gratitude {2014 edition}

I have been on a writing hiatus because I've been with these lovelies & other favorites. it has already been such a restful break, & I am so thankful for the time to unwind after a stressful few months. it's funny what inevitably happens on Facebook & instagram towards the end of a year: those little year re-caps keep popping up & people begin to get inspired for conquering the coming year. so, in the spirit of the new year, I have been reflecting on this past 2014. it was a big year... a lot more than just a Facebook recap or instagram "most like photos" thing or even a blog post could capture. I decided to make a list of things I am thankful for from 2014 instead... so here it goes.

1. my brother **finally** proposing to this little ginger
2. our blondie killin it in college & being blessed with unbelievable community
3. my bookend twin rockin out & being **by far** the coolest macquilkan kid
4. sweet friendship in my new sister who loves my brother so well
5. a brother who loves the Lord with all his heart & will change the world someday
6. moving to the east coast & starting the new adventure of law school
7. the Michael James moving cross-country to go through this adventure with me
8. God's perfect **and insane** timing
9. parents who are encouraging & remind me of truth daily 
10. new community that I am excited to return to in 2015

this list is by no means exhaustive, and it truly is amazing to look back at this past year & see the Lord's faithfulness throughout all of it! if that was just the beginning of this new chapter, I cannot even imagine what the future holds. here's to 2015, new adventures, and loads of thankfulness along the way.

date nights.best nights

in the past 2 days I have:

a) cleaned my room
b) done laundry
c) done a 45 minute yoga class
d) planned a date night
e) all of the above

praise the Lord for a little more time to study for tomorrow's exam allowing me to breathe a little. having an organized room and not having to clear an area for the yoga mat make this girl super pumped!! also, I got to plan date night & surprise Michael with our destination **insert "these are a few of my favorite things" chorus here** this was extra fun because we haven't had a date night in the past month, so this was WAY over due. quality time is one of my love languages, so I didn't want to just buy tickets to see a movie or something like that. so we pulled up to Elliot's Fair Grounds, the coolest house-turned-coffee-shop in Ghent **our favorite area** & I busted out two decks of cards. sitting across the tiny table from this guy + playing nerts for hours = my happy place. thankful for this guy who doesn't let me win, is the king of comebacks, & loves my super-sassy competitive side.

the truth: I'm a mess

in a lot of other areas in life, I would probably be considered borderline-OCD. most of the time I look like I have my act together. there are certain things I have to do everyday, in a specific order. however, in the wake of these two weeks of exams, my room has suffered big time. this picture was taken about 3 or 4 days ago, and this morning I wish my room was as clean as it was then. **yikes** there is a pile of clothes and hangers on my trunk; the pile of books on that chair keeps growing; and for some reason there is a pile of bags and headbands and hats right there in front of my printer... and let's not even begin with my desk... the truth is, I'm a mess. the first thing to go when I have a crazy busy schedule is my room. the funny/ironic thing about that is it stresses me out to have a messy room because I'm less organized when I should be more organized. I actually don't think there is a clear surface on any of my bookshelves, my desk, bed-side table, or trunk. however, there is no time to worry about it... and sometimes it's good to have a little mess in life. it reminds me that I don't have my crap together all the time. it reminds me that I'm normal. it reminds me that there are messy parts in life & sometimes it's ok to live with a little mess temporarily. it's not gonna kill me. so here's to breathing a little, two more exams, and embracing the mess. happy monday, homies.

saturday morning thoughts

dear self,

why do you hate admitting your weaknesses? why is there always this pride and inner pressure you feel to have everything together? why do you disguise this ugly pride as "being content" in the Lord?

sincerely,
your brain

this morning I had this epiphany about Paul's statements that our weakness is perfected in the Lord's strength, and because of our weakness, we can be strong. this has been an area where I struggle-bus through life. admitting I am weak? admitting I don't have it all together? admitting that I'm terrified of failure?! yeah right... that's for the birds. over this past year, I have seen many of my friends have sweet littles. these babes rely on their mommas and papas for everything. and this morning it hit me... that's how we are supposed to live life: like sweet little babes relying on the Lord for all things. however, all too often I am stuck in that "rebellious teenage" stage... you know, the one where I think I know better than The Almighty. **spoiler alert: I don't** praise the Lord for His patience and grace while I learn this crazy thing called reliance! praise the Lord that He is sovereign, and I can rest in Him! so here's to learning to admit my weaknesses and leaning on the Lord in all things. happy weekend!

new lipstick:new motivation

my second exam was yesterday. I was a total wreck leading up to that exam: couldn't sit still, couldn't sleep very well, and just jittery. good thing I had tons of time to recuperate yesterday before having to study for my next exam **sarcasm, people** ok, so I didn't. because my next exam is friday. and after that monday. and after that next friday. there is no time for breathing until after the exam next friday. however, I did need to unwind a little before diving head first into property. so I went to TARGET **michael, don't be mad** and I walked around the entire store, just for kicks. then I remembered the "kylie jenner" lip a lot of people have been posting about on insta, so I decided to look for a new shade. they had the PERFECT shade of liner & lip stick for the look, and I definitely invested. after getting home I put on the new lipstick & immediately felt like I could take on the world **or just property** it's funny the things that motivate us. sometimes all you need is a good lipstick and freshly painted nails to take on the crazy.

here's to unwinding, new lipstick, and a fresh attitude. property: anywhere we meet it's guaranteed it's goin down. **throwback song to jr high. bonus points if you know it**

and so it begins...

the first week of finals has officially begun. first finals of my first semester of my fist year of law school. in preparing for these two weeks, I came to a funny realization. 1L year is like "I"-week or rush for sororities, except it lasts a year, and no one (besides your family) is really rooting for you to make it to the finish. you don't get much sleep. you do research to understand this new language you're being presented with. you must know the history of how everything started, and how it works today. you must learn to speak vaguely, never over-commit yourself. use words such as "likely" and "probably." 

however, in "I"-week and during rush, you typically have tons of girls rooting for you & fighting for you, alongside your family & friends who are totally excited you are doing this. but in law school, as soon as you tell people you took the lsat you are bombarded with people telling you how bad of an idea it is to go to law school. they tell you it's literally like going through hell. they tell you there are many other ways you could achieve what you want to do besides that way. just don't do it. save yourself the time & gray hairs. woof. thank you, positive polly. that's exactly what I needed to hear. 

what if we decided to be excited for others? & support each other? especially those that are about to embark on a journey we have already been through. yes, law school is hard, and 1L year is rough. but it's doable. you have to work and be disciplined, but if this is where the Lord is calling you, He will provide. you won't have to walk through this crazy year(s) alone because He is always with you. this year truly has been a year of drawing me closer to the Lord because I could not do this without Him. 

one down. four to go. here's to trusting the Lord's plan, studying for dayz, and leaving it all on the court exam.   

half a year

confession: we are terrible at taking pictures together. not like we take tons of pictures & just look bad, but like we never take pictures when we are together. that's why you're seeing a double-post of this pic... 

ok, now that that's off my chest, I want to tell you a story. one wednesday in may I was leaving the office to head to another meeting, when I stopped at the front desk to say hi to one of my fav moms. **when you work with students, you have favorite moms. it's just a given** we had just hosted our last big even of the school year at her house, and I wanted to thank her again... she just found out I was leaving arkansas & moving to virginia for law school. after a few minutes of chatting, she asked me how old I was, and then came the ask... she asked me if I would go on a blind date with her son when he comes into town later that week. ok, more background. I was good friends with her oldest daughter, and her youngest son was one of our students. I had also met her other daughter a few times, and I had only heard various stories of "the other haefner." after hearing more about this guy, I said sure. **confession: I knew that if this guy was half as great as his mom said he was, I was going to be in trouble** 

then he came in town & we met on sunday for a day at the lake with jen & rob (sister & her boy). may 25. that was the day I met the guy in this picture. we hung out every day that week until I left for my sister's high school graduation on thursday, and he's been stuck with me ever since. michael is the sweetest, hardest working, most intentional & authentic cheese-ball I've ever met, and I love getting to do life alongside him. thankful for jackie (aka: j-momma). thankful for friends who help me process. thankful for God's writing of a crazy, and totally out-of-control story. thankful for half a year spent with you. you da you da. 

{goals} an update

oh yeah, remember those goals I have for before 26? well, here's an update.

1. run 2 half marathons - first one done in september. second one officially registered & started training for march 14!!! this one will be so fun because it's through washington d.c. **aka one of my all-time-fav cities** AND it's with my boo/bae/boyf/bestie/insert cliche name here **you da you da** here's to another 13.1 and our first together!

2. right now yoga is a stress reliever for me. I am not anywhere close to the splits or king cobra backbend, BUT it is a great practice for me since I sit down all.day,every.day at the library.

3. the full day a month off of school has become more of a half-day or a few-hours-here-and-there breather. this has proved much more helpful for me than taking off a full day. must rejuvenate as I go otherwise I'll burn out!

4. overnight trip alone still hasn't happened. but we shall see about this one soon!

5. I can officially say that I wear heels & dress nice whenever I want to in law school. it's much easier in an environment where people do this too :) however, I am that tall girl who still loves heels. **sorry not sorry. get on my level**

here's to living life to the fullest, walking in the Lord's perfect plan, & doing work in the waiting. life to the full is the best. 

coming to an end

double posts with pics about coffee... needless to say, it's been a necessity of life lately. I am so thankful that this first semester of classes is almost done. two days of classes + reading week + finals. and then a break. what does that even feel like? sleep? what is that? **kidding, mom!**

the next few weeks are going to be hard, but they are necessary. I can already see evidence of how much I've learned in only a few months, and it's crazy to think how much I will have learned after three years of this **and probably how much I will still need to know** today was my last contracts class for the semester **insert dancing ladies x's 1,000,000,000,000** and tonight I am resting. tonight I'm not going to read or study. I'm going to do some yoga, if I feel like it, and then go to sleep super early. I mean like before 10 early. why? how? because I know that if I don't stop, rest, & get some sleep tonight there is no way I will have the endurance to make it through the next few weeks. rest. mmmmm. I like the sound of that.

it's tuesday

practice for finals coming up in less than two weeks **insert wide-eyed emoji here** this week I am:

a) wishing I had my little sister's memorization skills
b) listening to Christmas music non-stop **pentatonix is the bomb**
c) craving a good long run **please? just one!!**
d) living off of coffee
e) all of the above

here's to productivity, being done with LARW in 6 days, and getting to go home in a month. cheers, tuesday!

#realtalk {finals edition}

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the One who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you... The Lord is the One who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." 

Deuteronomy 31:6,8

today I did yet another great devotional on SheReadsTruth and was struck by the honesty with which the author of that particular devo wrote. she talked about a crippling fear, and how it was a sign of her lack of trust in the Lord. while I was reading it, I was like "yeah, girl, you gotta take care of that..." but then as I read this Scripture and allowed it to sink in my heart, I began to realize this is me. that is exactly what was happening in my heart. ok, I realize that in this passage Moses is talking to the israelites about going into the promise land and fighting a ton of people to take the land. I realize that law school and finals are not the canaanites. however, there is still this crippling fear that comes over me when I begin to think about finals. 

finals are when it all shakes out. that's when you find out what you're really made of, and whether you can hack it in law school. if I'm honest, I'm incredibly fearful of failure. I put these high expectations on myself to look like I have it all together; like this law school thing "ain't no thang"; like I actually understand contracts **which I don't**; like I'm totally 100% ready for finals. real talk: I'm not, and they terrify me to my core. BUT this truth cuts like a sword straight through me because I know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that this is exactly where the Lord has me. I know that I would not be here right now if it wasn't for His perfect plan that I don't yet see fully. I know that He is going before me, so I do not have to be afraid. He will not fail me or forsake me. 

so here's to authenticity, doing my best for the Lord, and allowing His truth to permeate my heart.

oh hey, monday

this is where we live, people. praise the Lord for sunrises, waves, and this smile! (also, serious #mcm #amIright) today is the start of a new week; there are officially 11 days of classes left before finals; and my to-do list goes on for dayz. this could be overwhelming, or I could choose to have a kick-butt attitude and take this on one step at a time. **I choose option b** here's to freshly painted nails, caffeine, this guy, and gettin shiz done. happy monday, peoples!!

{life} lately

life. it's been a little crazy lately. there are officially 2 weeks + 1 day of classes before the crazy of finals hit & then my first semester of law school will be done **insert fist pumps here** if I let myself think about finals & summer internship applications & all the other future stuff that is thrown at me, the heart-rate quickens and breath becomes shallow. the future is some scary business sometimes that is worsened by hanging around people who are so certain about what their future holds. it is here when I have to stop my brain from going to crazy town & remember what I am thankful for right now.

1. crisp mornings & evenings 
2. law lounge keurig, fall blend coffee, & pumpkin spice chai
3. finding community **finally**
4. parents that love michael & I so well
5. triple dates that are full of encouragement, wisdom, & laughter
6. being 100% at peace about right now
7. comfy flannels + warm vests
8. restful sleep
9. truth that anchors my heart
10. a hard-working, determined, & incredibly thoughtful love

stopping and remembering all that I have to be thankful for right now helps me face that forever-long to-do list with renewed energy & a kick-butt attitude. here's to full schedules, being done with LARW in 16 days, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

letters from the library {fall break}

dear fall break,

I cannot believe it's already thursday! you've been good to me this past week through time to refuel and time to get a lot of work done. since monday I have:

a) exercised three times.
b) updated all of my outlines & notecards.
c) gotten a somewhat good understanding of contracts **insert fist pumps x's 1000 here**
d) left the library by 5:00 every day.
e) all of the above.

while this is the first break where I have had to spend a majority of the time studying, I am so thankful for the rest that has come alongside of that! I've even been able to see Michael almost everyday this week & make dinner for us **yes, like really cook** Michael's apartment complex has the coolest ponds through the grounds and the trees are just unreal. they are just beginning to show signs of fall this week, and it makes me into the crazy person who stops and takes pictures all.day.every.day. overall, you have been just what the doctor **or just me** ordered. feeling like I can conquer the world these next 6 weeks of classes before finals! let's do this.

peace out.
yoga pants at the library for dayz.

go crazy with this {fall}

yesterday was my last midterm before fall break. to say I was a little relieved after that thing was over is a gross understatement! for weeks I had been wanting to go back to trader joe's and whole foods and target, but between class & being at the library there just was never enough time... and so that was my reward for making it through these past few weeks of hard-core study mode. when I got back home yesterday, I realized that my shopping bags were trying to tell me something... I have officially welcomed october with pumpkin & fall flavored/scented EVERYTHING!!! who even knew these things existed?! I even had time last night to take the summery colors off of my nails & replace them with a fall combo of deep red & grey... and this morning I get to go for a quick run in the crisp fall air before heading to class **time?! what is this you speak of?!?** 

here's to refueling, time to paint my nails, & waking up to fall! happy friday, peoples!!

{gratitude} lately

the past few weeks have been rough, and I can find myself easily complaining about little things. today I'm making a list of things I am thankful to remind myself there is good, even in the crazy...

 for warm chocolate chip cookies that give you energy to power through a late night at the library.

 for friends who share their amazing tea secrets, are always smiling, and countdown to wednesday night's mixxed fit class with you.

for great bbq & a hunky barbe-cutie (aka Michael James) **you da you da**

and for date nights that end here.

here's to holding onto the beauty in the midst of the crazy. praise the Lord a break is on the horizon!

just keep swimming

this is the last week before fall break. last week & this week have been marked **already** by late nights at the library, early mornings, trying to maintain some kind of life balance, studying because it's my job, midterms that count, midterms that don't count, and finally having time to go to the grocery store but forgetting to get half of the things you needed. there are so many things that I wish I could do, but yesterday was a good, full day. yesterday I was able to fold 3 loads of laundry & go for a run in the stunning weather here. it kills me to be in the library on days like yesterday when the temperature is perfect & there's not a cloud in the sky, but time constraints tell me that I can't do that because I've got a million other things I could be doing. so, how did I justify it? I took notecards with me to study while running **insert fist pumps here** 

needless to say, I am so looking forward to a break where I can have time to study and have time to do normal life things, like sleep. praise the Lord for 4 more days of crazy until there's a little breathing room for a.full.week. here's to time to paint my nails, sitting in beautiful weather, and finding nemo. just keep swimming, friends.

happy october

october ushers in my favorite time of the year: pumpkin candles, pumpkin pie, leaves changing, crisp mornings, thick socks, & oversized sweaters. octobers have gotten prettier with each state I've moved to. texas, october breaks the crazed summer heat, & you can almost feel the earth take a deep breath. arkansas, I've never lived anywhere that had so many trees and rolling hills & sights that take your breath away! and now virginia... it's similar to arkansas with the trees, except these are bigger. a lot of the buildings here have the historic, colonial architecture, which makes for dreamy scenes in the fall. then there's the weather... I'm a little more north than normal, and it has already started to get a little chilly in the mornings & evenings which is my favorite! it makes me crave just simply sitting outside. I got to do that for a few minutes yesterday evening... just sit. sit & breathe. october is in the air, & it's a beautiful thing! 

weekend update

ladies and gentlemen, this was a weekend for the books! my little brother asked this precious girl to be his wife, which means we found the last macquilkan sister!!! my parents flew me to Dallas to surprise my siblings & be apart of celebrating these two! I am a big fan of these two peoples... they both love the Lord with all their hearts and challenge me in the way they love people. through them, the Lord has touched so many lives, which was evident on Friday when tons of people showed up to celebrate this precious couple. their dreams are big. their hearts are full. seriously, y'all, they could change the world together! 

here's to dreaming big, following God & loving others! happy monday, peoples!

passion renewed

this morning was the start of a new study for me. I found out about She Reads Truth through a great friend last year, but this is the first study I will be walking through daily. they did a study a few months ago called "justice." it will go through the idea of Biblical justice... how the Bible informs your view of social justice. day one begins at the cross, where they say "justice and mercy kissed." yesterday in class we even talked about how God could have used any means necessary to atone for sin, but He chose to work within the law and provide the perfect sacrifice in His Son, Jesus. was it just that Jesus died for our sins when He lived a perfect life that we cannot live? not at all. but this is where the debt of sin under the law was paid, and this is why we can now have a relationship with God... because of this mercy + justice kiss.

I am reminded in day one of this study the reason why I'm even in law school. social justice holds a special place in my heart because it kills me to see people treated as less than they are worth. all men were created in the image of God. all. not some, not the ones you really like, not even just the ones you can tolerate, but all. because all men are created in the image of God, they have immense value. my heart aches to see this value torn down, not only for the damage it does to the individual wronged, but also for the damage done to the individual who caused the injury. this is not how we were created to live. praise the Lord for sweet reminders and softened hearts in the midst of a very cynical world!

{don't} listen to your heart

no, this is not one of those I hate love, romance sucks, grab a pint of ice cream, cynical posts. nor is this a bash on romantic comedies, love songs, or love stories. **I actually am a pretty big fan of the one being written in my life currently** this is more of a "let's stop and think about what we are really saying here." as I write this I am reminded of the children's song my siblings & I listened to as we grew up "oh, be careful little ears what you hear..." and the truth in it that should be true for all ages. there is a popular phrase our culture screams today, "listen to your heart"... and it's usually followed by some cheesy line like "and you'll never go wrong." well, let's examine that statement for a second before we blindly agree... **excuse the logical reasoning that has annoyingly taken over my brain. thanks, law school** 

what happens when people listen to their hearts? like what if my heart is telling me I need to make-out with some random guy, who isn't Michael? what if my heart is telling me to explode at the kid next to me who rudely interrupts me with his slurping? what if my heart is telling me that I should only eat dark chocolate & coffee? what if my heart is telling me to not study until later... and later it tells me the same thing? what if my heart tells me to be sassy to all people because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed? what if my heart tells me not to invite certain people because I just don't feel like including them? I think we can all agree that if I listened to my heart in those circumstances, people would hate me. many of those same people telling me to "listen to [my] heart" would tell me those things are illogical and would cause more harm than good. my point is not that feelings don't matter, and we should never listen to them... it's that we have to have some kind of filter to run those feelings through to see if they are reliable. and what if they aren't? I would like to argue that more often than not, we should be singing "don't listen to your heart when it's telling you lies" **you have to read that to "listen to your heart, when it's calling for you..." in order to get that one**

so here's to embracing the fact that sometimes our hearts lie to us & rewriting the message of today's culture.

cheers, crazies!

this week has had a lot of ups and downs... it makes me feel a little crazy the different emotions I have in a given week at law school, but I guess that comes with the territory! when my alarm went off this morning, my first thought was "ughhh, I need another 6 hours of sleep!" **to snooze or not to snooze** that feeling is never good, especially when you need tons of focus & a get crap done attitude for the day... but luckily, it's friday. and friday means that I get a little bit more time to breathe... on today's not-school-to-do list:

1. get hairs did **might get a little more chopped off than normal**
2. a full 60-minute yoga class
3. drink some red wine & cook a good meal
4. bed before 10

yeah, today is going to be a good day! cheers to finishing the 5th week of law school & here's to the crazy ones!!

Psalm 23

this psalm holds a special place in my heart because it was the second passage of Scripture that my dad had me memorize when I was little. since then, it has been a constant source of comfort: when I was scared of monsters, walking at home from babysitting in the dark, before making big decisions about my job, trying to decide where to go for law school, and now, even as I am walking through law school. meditating on Scripture is not one of my strong suits. in fact, I almost never really sit and reflect in a single passage of Scripture for long periods of time. last night, as I just finished my huge amount of reading for today, this Scripture came to mind, and I knew I needed to reflect on this more during my quiet time this morning.

I won't give you all the gory details of my meditation on this passage, BUT I do want to give you my big takeaways. throughout the psalm, David {author of the psalm} talks about God as his Shepherd; He leads us into green pastures and by quiet waters... there is this vivid imagery of peace, like deeply breathing fresh air. we go on to see that this peace is available even in the midst of craziness and trials. I'm not saying that law school is "the valley of the shadow of death", but it is hard. the things that make it even harder are the lies that I believe, and when I begin to compare myself to others. these things create unnecessary stressors. **can I get an amen?** one thing that really hit me is that I am not taking the time to stop & reflect. I haven't been taking those deep breaths or sitting still by those quiet waters. what I have been doing is allowing the noise of the lies in my head become overwhelming, and I have forgotten God is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He is everything I need: my Sustainer, my Provider, my Peace, & my Hiding-place. I can find rest in Him.

weekend update {deep breath}

on this unusually cool september Monday, the message "take a deep breath" is ringing in my head. especially since we are supposed to get our first graded writing assignment back later this week. this past friday evening, I was able to let it go **because there's really nothing you can do once you hit "submit" online** the whole taking a deep breath part is carrying over into this evening. I was able to get a lot done this weekend... except rest. tonight I will rest. I will get some things done, but mainly I will breathe deeply, let it go slowly, and rest fully. yeah, that means I'm going to yoga-it-up tonight.... first yoga class **not online** since June... it's about that time. 

here's to breathing in the good stuff. namaste, peoples.

letters from the library {frigid edition}

dear fellow law library peoples,

first, let me just say that I am amazed at your dedication to quiet & studies, but some of you need to calm it down. helpful hint: mean muggin people is NOT a way to make friends... especially when you talk 10x's louder just an hour later. second, I would just like to point out that it is a special kind of cold on the third floor. the consistency despite it being 70 & torrential downpour one day and sunny & 90 outside the next is remarkable... but I think we'd all be ok if you came up to at least like 70 degrees. **or maybe that's just the Texan in me that can't handle the cold** third, the "student lounge" kettle, keurig, microwave, and water purifier are on point. **can I get an amen?!** fourth, when you are in the student lounge, it's awkward to sit there and read... especially after someone has said "hi" to you. if you wanted peace & quiet, go back to your carrel. the student lounge was made so that people could eat louder things **like celery, for example** without getting the mean mug looks I mentioned earlier. also, please make another annoyed sigh when I bite into my celery... my sassiness loves to come out & play. **please refer to the second line... calm.it.down.**

so far it's been a good week of hanging with y'all. let's just remember these times when things start to get crazy up in here.

love y'all, mean it.
that girl with headphones

spinning the plates {balance}

balance is hard to achieve when you're busy. the past few weeks I have felt like I am trying to keep all of the "plates" in my life spinning, but they keep dropping. the plates include **legalese: but are not limited to** law school (with two mini-plates of reading for classes and then outlining/reviewing for those classes), Michael, family, friends (maintaining old & establishing new), overall health (exercise & sleep), and my relationship with the Lord. I realize that in different seasons of life some plates are going to require more attention than others, but there is always this pressure to keep them all up and not let any crash. 

this past week, I have felt like they are all crashing. I haven't exercised since Sunday **and we won't even talk about sleep bcuz what even is that**; I don't get to call or write notes like I want to for my awesome family and sweet friends; I feel like a terrible girlfriend because there is like one hour in each day that I get to spend with Michael without studying; I feel like my relationship with the Lord has been overrun with law school & that's all I ever bring to Him anymore; and there is this annoying, nagging, DUMB comparison thing in the back of my head with my classmates on how they answered questions, how far they've gotten in their work for the week, how long they spend in the library... **this list goes on and on**

the key in all of this is the "I feel." I continue to put these ridiculously high expectations on myself instead of being realistic within my own abilities in a single day. this became evident to me when the past three days of to-do lists (aka: my expectations for myself) barely have the first three or four of 10-15 items crossed off. that can either stress me out **which it did, but I'm trying to do what's next** OR I can choose to stop. breathe. and realize that I probably should reevaluate my expectations. it's ok if I can't get all of those things done today. prioritize that thing, sister, and be ok with not being perfect. because I'm not. and that's 100% ok with me. so here's to realistic expectations, breathing, & not letting the crazy overrun you.

till death do us part {law school edition}

dear law school,

this past weekend was a lot of big markers in our relationship. on friday, I got a carrel in the library, and saturday morning I moved in. living together is going to help us understand each other more and spend a lot more quality time together. saturday also marked the first 8-5 full weekend day spent at the library. this is not to be confused with how things were with "club mullins" in undergrad with the socializing and barely even thinking about studies. no, things are more serious and committed now... I've also officially started outlining, which I'm told is a BIG step in any law school relationship. I guess you could say I'm in it for the long haul. for better or worse. here we go... #movingin 

jumping head first,
ally

coming soon: balancing act, my favorite wall, & letters from the library.

virginia beach love

this city is just unreal... stunning trees, beautiful waterways, and to top it all off an unreal beach! Michael and I have "the list", a collection of **mostly free** fun places/things that we have to do while we are here. a few of the things we have already crossed off of the list are in this post! let me tell you, the more I see of this place, the more I love it! Mt. Trashmore is going to be a staple for us because of it's running path, free workout stations, and a huge hill **used to be a landfill** to train on! it is absolutely breath-taking **literally & figuratively**

our next check-off was finding a good taco shack. well, this place is not really a shack, but it is a whole in the wall AND the fish tacos were amazing!! seriously, if you are in Virginia Beach, you need to stop at Pelon's Baja Grill, and if you don't get their famous fish tacos, you're wrong. Pelon's has a funky feel, an awesome staff, and is super cheap. **not to mention free parking for patrons which is HUGE down on the boardwalk** pinky promise you won't be sorry if you stop here!!

we then took a quick walk to Jody's Popcorn... I don't think you can really go wrong here. they always have those cinnamon-roasted nuts that tantalize you during the holidays, fresh kettle corn, and tons of fudge varieties. **michael's fav = cookie dough fudge, mine = kettle corn. always** luckily Jody's is just a block away from the ocean front where you can sit, listen to live bands on the weekends, people watch, and hang with King Neptune **disclaimer: contrary to popular opinion I am NOT the photographer stationed at King Neptune** also, I just love this picture because of this guy. he has been unreal the past couple of weeks, and I won't go into why right now, but he is seriously the bestest. yes, he is laughing at me in this picture. yes, he thinks I'm ridiculous **or out of control** yes, he stays around anyways. **insert a bunch of heart-eyed emojis here**

goals {update}

this weekend consisted of studying, hanging with the boyf, finally jumping in on the ALS ice bucket challenge, and making headway on my goals list! this sunday I ran the first half-marathon before 26. the rock n' roll series is probably one of my favorites! in college, one of my bests and I ran the one in dallas, and yesterday I was able to add virginia beach to that list! there really is nothing like the energy of race day. everyone is pumped to begin, live bands are around {almost} every corner, and the people cheering on the sidelines are seriously the best! even though yesterday was by far not my best run, I'm so pumped to do this again **and hopefully kill my time** 

happy long-weekend, loves! I'll be spending the rest of my day today studying **insert sleepy eyes here** here's to knocking things off the goal list, spending quality time with great peoples, and sore legs for dayz.

treading water

by wednesday of the past two weeks, I have been exhausted. that 5 am alarm clock call makes me want to cuss, and halfway through the day I'm almost falling asleep during class. I realize that it's only the first two weeks, and they say it's tough in the beginning because you are basically learning a new language... BUT there's no way I'm supposed to feel like this already, right?? it's like that moment when you've jumped into the deep end of the pool and begin to tread water. it's not so tough in the beginning. you feel good. you feel like you can handle this, and then it hits the one minute mark. you start to see that it's not quite as easy to handle and maintain. all my work is done before class, but not nearly in enough time to have a good handle on the material for when I get called on in class **def happened this week... insert wide-eyed emoji here** 

things that are keeping me afloat: running, yoga (even if it's just a few stretches at the end of the day), flavored green tea, great conversations with sweet peoples & acoustic evening playlist on spotify. here's to the long weekend & getting crap DONE!

dear long distance...

dear long distance relationship,

there are a few reasons to actually be thankful for you: (1) you gave me an appreciation for slow Sunday mornings & going to church together for the second time ever, (2) you made us TALK and learn how to communicate, & (3) you make me thankful for even getting just one hour of face-to-face time together. don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're gone, but I'm also thankful for the time you spent in my life. **I'm still ok if you never come back tho** learning how to communicate proves to be especially helpful since he has a crazy work schedule and well, then there's law school. Michael & I are pretty similar, but if we hadn't learned how to communicate with each other early, this season would be rough! yesterday we got one hour together before I had to return to my studying zone. thanks for making me appreciate those short moments. 

while I am so thankful for you, let's get this straight... you are not missed. see ya never.
love,
same-city dating chick

weekend update

this weekend though... Michael & I got to spend most of Saturday with his dad, exploring Virginia Beach & the surrounding areas. this place is stunning... and it just got better :) over the past two days we:

a. went to the local's beach for a walk
b. ate pretty awesome fish tacos
c. went to church together for the second time since we started dating
d. **hopefully** found him an apartment
e. all of the above

so thankful this guy would move to Virginia to be close to me while I go through the craziness of law school! he even spent a few hours in the library with me yesterday **keeper? yes.** he is a servant, cheerful heart, and cheese-ball, and I am so so SO thankful for this next phase of same-city dating!!! 

now, week #2 of law school in 3...2....1. go.

today is the day

here is my first day of school pic... #selfie while walking to the library **where I spent almost all of my hours this past week** I would be lying if I said this past week wasn't hard. wednesday night, I finished reading Aquinas **really, really, REALLY hard to understand philosopher** for a class, & I'm not sure that I've ever felt like my brain had been completely fried until that moment. the progression from last Sunday to today went something like this: ok, we can do this! this reading isn't so bad, & I'm actually enjoying it! oh crap, don't call on me. wait, yes, call on me because I actually know the answer... ok, maybe I didn't know it. umm not understanding anything I just read. why am I still at the library? scatter-brained wednesday. conquering my fears Thursday. & then there's today. reasons why today is great:

1. it's the last day of my first week of law school. I made it.
2. Michael is beginning the drive from Louisville to Virginia Beach **fist pumps for same-city dating!!! hence the walmart love**
3. I only have one class today
4. I get to do a full hour yoga class today for the first time in forevs **namaste**
5. did I mention that my boyfriend is moving to the same city as me today?!?!?!?!? 

happy weekend, peoples! I'm out.

letters from the library {undergrads}

dear regent undergrads,

let this post be somewhat of a "public service announcement"... if you have regular conversations in the library that are not about studies & they are loud enough for me to hear them, you have opened yourself up to my inner monologue & commentary on your conversations. however, don't let that scare you from reading the rest of this because this is not one of the sassy attacks that have wandered through my head over the past few days. no, this is about your future. ok, breathe. in & out. too many of y'all have been freaking out to each other about the future in the library. freshmen, it is ok to not know what you want to do for the rest of your life. a lot of people, if not most, don't even have that figured out when the graduate! seniors, when you don't know what you want to do, the answer is NOT to go to grad school. let me tell you why... when you sign up for graduate school, it costs a LOT of money. if you aren't really sure this graduate degree will be what you end up doing, it's probably not the best idea to go into a large amount of debt over it. then what do you do? go get a job! apply to a bunch of them & get tons of practice interviewing... eventually you will find one. what if you're not passionate about it & don't love it right away?? THAT'S OK! I'd actually say that's better than ok because you'll learn so much about yourself, about the world, & about life by just getting a job & paying the bills for a few years. then if you decide what you want to do later down the road needs a graduate degree, pursue that goal. only when you are sure does it become a wise investment for you to spend that kind of money for furthering your education. 

after speaking with quite a few of my friends, I've discovered a crazy phenomenon. the first year after college is really hard for almost everyone. I had no idea what I was doing after I graduated, nor did I have any idea what a "career path" looked like for me. what I did know is that I had an internship that would teach me a ton, put me outside of my comfort zone, & pay some bills. I wouldn't trade that year or the 2 years after that of working for anything! I would argue that it makes me appreciate my continuing education in the legal field even more! please please PLEASE remember that God has a plan for your life, & He will show you what it is in His perfect timing. what are you supposed to do right now? be faithful where you have been planted. honor & glorify the Lord right now with what He has given you, and then wait on His timing. He works it out in crazy, awesome ways... He writes a way better story than we ever could! trust it.

sincerely,
library soap-box

weekend update {this is real}

well, I guess today it's officially official. my first day of law school. as one of the profs shared at orientation, "1,000 days to the bar, but the practice of law begins now." #nopressure ...thoughts going into today: 1. so thankful for this opportunity & excited to learn more, 2. I don't think I've ever been more intimidated in my life, & 3. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer & supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know in to God, & the PEACE of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts & minds in Christ Jesus." can I get an amen??

buckle up, kids. it's go-time!

ready or not

#selfie because we are officially done with orientation week **please disregard the phantom of the opera look caused by the sun & me being bad at selfies** a few thoughts: 1. I am overwhelmed with how much the faculty cares about each of the students & is fighting for our success, 2. I am incredibly thankful for this week's academic sessions which took away a lot of the ambiguity surrounding "good" briefs & "good" outlines. 3. I cannot even imagine beginning law school without this past week. monday begins real classes, but yesterday began the 3-hours of prep for every 1-hour of class. even though it is a lot of work, I am excited to begin this 3-year journey! it has become even more evident over this past week that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. praise the Lord for His faithfulness & His timing!

that being said, there are still a whole lot of unknowns... Michael's move may or may not happen next weekend (still moving here, it just might not be as soon as I'd hoped), I'm apparently supposed to know where I want to take the bar exam (which means knowing where I'll be living after law school), and there's the factor of looking into internships for the summer. that seems to be a theme over the past few years since undergrad because God knows if He gives me the answers in advance I'll skip ahead instead of going through the necessary steps He needs me to go through before. here's to all the letters in between A & Z, trusting God with the unknowns, and embracing what He has given me today!

being faithful

yesterday was a little rough. there are so many different things to balance, & I can so easily begin to rely on my own strength. people told me leading up to law school that they wished they'd had more balance during law school, instead of spending all their time in the library. **no thank you** their suggestions have been to get involved in a Bible study, eat right, continue exercising, etc. the things that they listed are more non-negotiables in my life to continue to have. I am not one that can just do one thing for that long of a period of time. BUT over the past few months, I have been praying that these three years would not be a waste, that they would count for something, that I would be able to look back on these three years the way I have the past three years. 

that sounds really great, until about the second day of orientation (yesterday), when I began to become a little overwhelmed at all that I will have to do for school. it would be easy to default into study mode & become a hermit. it would be easy to keep people at an arm's length away instead of really diving in & building deep relationships with people. but real, full life is never in the easy. it's tempting in a way, but I've also tasted of what real, full life is & there is nothing like it! so, here's to taking the time to building deep relationships, not relying on my own strength, & keeping balance throughout all of life.

thankfulness {orientation edition}

well, this morning begins a three year journey. it kicks-off with a week-long orientation where I will {apparently} learn to live through hell... just kidding :) but I do get to learn keys to success in law school, meet the people who will become good friends, & do the whole student ID/parking pass thing for yet another school. **this makes 4. I'm a pro** yesterday as I prepared my mind for this new chapter, I made a list of things I am thankful for:

1. I am not in control.
2. God is sovereign.
3. I can cling to His promises {like phil 4:6-7}
4. amazing family who will drive cross-country to help you move.
5. memories & encouraging notes to overflow a bulletin board.
6. time to sit.
7. super productive, yet completely restful days.
8. cute new homes with sweet roommates.
9. long runs that clear your mind.
10. fresh nail polish & a conquer the world attitude.

I'm off to orientation, folks! here's to remembering God's incredible faithfulness, even when we are in the middle of the crazy.

makin it

well, ladies & gents, after two 13ish hour driving days (which should have been 11 & 10), tons of construction, a moving truck with a max at 75mph, tons of AMAZING views, & an underwater tunnel we finally made it to Virginia Beach! as of right this minute, we have unpacked all the boxes **disclaimer: unpacked but NOT organized... like at all** I am so incredibly thankful for my moving crew: mom, dad, tiff, & andrew. y'all are seriously the best ever! y'all killed it the past few days of packing, driving, unloading, & unpacking. I'm out, homies. gotta get this all together & organized **because otherwise I'll go crazy** before Monday! 

countdown to law school: 3 days

countdown to Michael's move: 15 days

**change is apparently my thing these days... prayers & encouraging notes appreciated**

#virginiabound

today is the day we start the crazy drive from Dallas to Virginia Beach... with an overnight stop in Louisville to see Michael!! there are so many mixed feeling happening right now. people keep asking me how I feel & this is how I explain it: that feeling I used to get right before warm-ups of a basketball game, when you're waiting for the court to clear from the game before... there's a nervous energy that runs through you partly because of adrenaline & partly because of how long you have prepared for that moment. the only thing that helps is when warm-ups begin, & you are finally able to get some of that nervous energy out. that's me right now, and honestly for the past few months. new chapters are so fun to navigate, but they are also tough... especially if you loved the last chapter or will miss people in the last chapter. I've got my diva shoes on, 4 hours of sleep, & coffee...let's do this, peoples! finally, I am #virginiabound 

countdown to seeing Michael: 11 hours 

countdown to move-in day: 2 days

countdown to law school: 5 days

short & sweet

today is our last day in Maui. it has been absolutely beautiful & relaxing here... just what I needed right before all the crazy hits! this is real, people. as you'll see below in the countdowns, there is a whole lot that is about to change. some of it is exciting, some of it causes a little nervousness, but it all is going to be an adventure! 

countdown to seeing Michael: 2 days

countdown to move-in: 4 days

countdown to law school: 7 days

countdown to no more long distance: within the next 14 days!!!!!! 

oh yeah, within the last few days Michael landed a job in Virginia Beach!! he will move there in the next week & a half-ish, & we will get to live in the same city!!! **insert excited, happy dance here** praise The Lord for His faithfulness, His plan, & His perfect {and crazy} timing! here's to same-city dating, new adventures, & embracing change! 

august has arrived

Dear August,

in some ways I can & can't believe you are already here. for so long I've been anticipating your arrival & all the craziness you'll bring. we get back from Maui early morning on the 5th, only to leave 24 hours later to begin this move to Virginia Beach. you probably don't know this, but you've caused me some anxiousness, excitement, nervousness, hope & all things in between. you're bringing about so much change: moving halfway across the country, moving in with new people, beginning law school, starting over in a new city (& all that entails), & being able to date in the same city **see ya later, long distance. you haven't been fun & it hasn't been real**... don't get me wrong, I am so excited for all of this change, but during those times I become anxious I am so thankful for views like these & quiet mornings & coffee. 

here's to you, august. bring on the crazy!

sincerely,

the adventurer side of me

countdown to see Michael: 6 days

countdown to move-in day: 8 days

countdown to law school: 11 days 

**insert wide eyed emoji here**