officially a 2L

where in the world did this past year go? how did it all happen so quickly?! people told me it would fly by, but I had no idea just how fast it was really going to go. and now it's 2L year. well, I guess those people were right because this past year was the fastest year I've ever experienced. yet, while going through 1L, I had this strange feeling that certain days would never come and I would be stuck in this torment forever. now there is a new 1L class, and I'm so thankful I'm not in it.

it's still a mystery to me why the Lord's plan led me to law school; however, He has continued to confirm that this is exactly where He wants me right now. I'm so thankful that God is faithful and that He will reveal to me in His perfect timing what the next steps are, although sometimes **ok, all the time** my planner mind wants to know them now. BUT I get to focus on today, the first day of my 2L year.

what will be different about this year? well, tons actually. I joined the trial advocacy board, am taking classes that I chose, started working as a graduate assistant for an amazing professor, and am married. all of these things are so different from last year where I felt like I was treading water to stay afloat. this year, I'm certain there will be times where it feels like that... but I've been there before, and it seems less scary; not because I know how to navigate it better, but because I am confident the Lord will carry me through it. 

praise the Lord for His faithfulness, new beginnings, and the first day of school. happy monday, peoples!

{gratitude} lately

if you've read these ramblings for a little bit, you will know that I love list making. I am that over-zealous to-do list maker: one for the week, for the weekend, for each day, for the afternoon, etc. the list of the lists that I make go on **yes, I have a problem** some of my lists can leave me annoyed & frustrated with myself because they aren't complete or I have so much to do. but there is one type of list that always leaves me more full than before, and that, my friends, is the lists of things I'm thankful for lately:

1. this website & the daily truth it brings into my life;
2. this website & the way it challenges/encourages Michael James each day with truth;
3. time away last weekend with my adventure partner;
4. new textbooks that make me excited for a new semester;
5. long walks with sweet friends;
6. phone calls with family that are so far away;
7. getting to see God answer specific prayers;
8. daily grace from the mr;
9. legs that carry me through a 9-mile hike; and
10. a new norm

praise the Lord for His goodness, list making that leaves me more full, and school starting on monday. happy weekend, homies!

dear {wednesday}

dear wednesday,

this past weekend we went on a quick adventure. we hiked & climbed to our hearts content. we sat, took in beautiful views, and enjoyed time together. today marks the middle of my last week of freedom **from school** and with a mountain of to-do's & fun projects left, it's hard to be present in a single moment. part of me just wants to rewind back to this weekend right here, but the other part of me knows there is just as much beauty right in front of me now as there was then. there are beautiful moments in each day that make me sit, remember how small I am, and praise the Maker for them.

here's to beauty in the big & small. 
cheers, lovie.

roadtrip + refuel

today, Michael James & I are leaving for a weekend away. we will eat good food & drink good wine. we will hike stunning trails, picnic at scenic lookouts, and jump in cold water. we will have deep conversation, play fun games, and put our phones on airplane mode. we will relax, rest, and refuel. 

here's to living close to the mountains, meeting new friends, and peanut butter honey sandwiches for the road! happy weekend, homies!

life

life: the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death; the existence of an individual human being or animal

- Webster's Dictionary

most of the time I try to stay away from hot-button "political" topics on social media because I don't think it ever produces anything helpful. it merely invites people to make noise, call each other idiots, and creates confusion. it rarely ever brings light to a subject and rarely do people ever listen. however, in light of the videos that have come out over the past few weeks, I cannot sit in silence. I cannot idly watch the "debate" unfold. as a believer, I am called to faithfully and lovingly speak truth into the darkness (proverbs 27:5-6). it would be one of the most unloving things for me to just sit in silence in the wake of this mess.

one of the most interesting things I've seen from the pro-choice side is a graphic with a picture of a woman, an animal, and a sonogram of a baby. it asks: life? animal (yes), sonogram of baby (yes), and woman (meh). underneath this graphic is a statement proclaiming that if you are an educated woman and also pro-life, you should throw all of your education, rights, and independence in the trash because you clearly do not value any of those things. 

I am a woman; I value my right to vote; I deeply value the education I have been able to receive and am continuing to receive; and, I stand for life. 

I also have a tendency to believe lies; lies that lead to decisions that lead to heartache and brokenness. I believe that lie that God is holding out on me; that if He really loved me, He would want me to be happy; if He really loved me, He would give me what I wanted (see Genesis 3 & the original sin). early in college I doubted His goodness, took matters into my own hands, and didn't wait for His gift of sex in His timing. I took it out of the context of marriage and was left empty, broken, and hurting. in God's goodness, He did not allow me to get pregnant and have a "choice"; although, that was a time in my life I might have chosen what is now unthinkable in my mind. I cannot pretend that choosing life is always an easy decision; in fact, I realize it can be incredibly hard & always life-changing. I realize there are circumstances and situations involving rape, abuse, and heartache. however, God redeems even the hardest of circumstances. He is sovereign, and His plans, although rarely easy & pain-free, are always good, pleasing, and perfect. psalm 139 tells us that He loves us and has a plan for our lives before we are even born! before I was born, before you were born, before they are born, He loves us. 

so what am I saying? God loves, cherishes, and values each and every life, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. we all make mistakes, and He loves us still. He redeems broken stories, like mine, and makes beautiful pictures of His grace and mercy we can share with others. we were each created on purpose, for a purpose. these babies' lives matter. there are other choices besides abortion. please don't sit silently in the midst of this great darkness; join me in lovingly spreading the light of the truth.

{monday} to-do list

on this week's to-do's: 

1. figure out bedroom
2. pack the last box for storage
3. {more} laundry
4. pack for weekend get-away to Shenandoah National Park
5. read tons
6. organize desk area
... & counting

as this week's to-do list continues to grow, I am reminded that two weeks from today will be my first day of the second year of law school. just a year ago, I had just moved to Virginia and was settling in, getting to know new roommates, and beginning this crazy journey of law school. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and honestly, still don't... but I am so incredibly thankful for God's goodness & for His good, pleasing, and perfect plan **even if it wasn't what I thought was good, pleasing, and perfect** I am also thankful for a chance to unplug and recharge this coming weekend with a fun road trip & new adventure with the mr.

here's to exploring new places, airplane mode on phones, and quality time! happy monday, peoples!

an update {goals before 26}

goals. there is an amazing feeling when you actually accomplish goals that you have set out. if you are just joining **and maybe wondering about the strange blog name** this is where I set out goals for each birth-year. on May 12 of each year, I try to make a list of realistic goals for that year. it's been so cool to see how these goals drive me to do things I wouldn't have dreamed of, push me to accomplish big dreams, and help me live life to the full. however, when I turned 25 I would never have been able to guess all of the twists and crazy life turns that year brought! some of them were planned, others a complete surprise. so, here's my 25th year-review, brought to you by a goals review!

1. run two half-marathons - this one began nicely with the first happening at the end of august when I moved to virginia. I registered for the second one to run this past march in DC... and then all things law school, 1L, second semester happened. I loved this goal so much that I carried it over to this next year!! & this time, it will be accomplished!

2. standing splits & king cobra backbend - ok, well, it's safe to say I can't do either one of these. 1L was a little stressful & time consuming; it was a good day if I could fit in 20 minutes of exercise. this one might have been too lofty of a goal **insert face-palm here**

3. take a full day once per month to breathe & not think about school - check! this one actually morphed into a couple of half-days per month. first semester these were more restful, and then second semester they turned into crazed wedding-planning half-days. yeah, that was a twist I was definitely not expecting when I turned 25...

4. take an overnight trip alone - when I made this goal, I thought it would be a defining moment for my life, help me to see things I hadn't before, help me appreciate my independence a little more. two weeks after making these goals, I met a man. two weeks after that, I took a 10-hour road trip to louisville, ky to visit said man. a year later, we were married... that trip to kentucky might have been the most adventurous, "alone" trip that I took that year **ok, I mean, besides moving to virginia by myself**

5. wear high heels & dress nice whenever I feel like it - check, check, and check. I love the freedom that came from this goal! I had no idea what kind of mind obstacles were blocking me from feeling the freedom to dress how I wanted, when I wanted. you see, standing at 5'10.5" is a little intimidating for a girl, and then I wanted to add wearing heels?! what if I was the only one?! what if I became "that girl"?! oh goodness... that was so freeing to finally get over those thoughts and embrace my own style. sometimes all you need is to put on a great pair of shoes and some lipstick to tackle what seems like an impossible task

here's to goals: may we make them, may we grow from them, may we crush them. happy weekend, peoples!!

things I don't deserve

may 26, 2014: I was invited to have lunch and play sand volleyball by a man I had just met the day before. **unbeknownst to me** I crashed my now-brother-in-law's family birthday party. we ate cake, laughed, and played sand volleyball past dark. while I was trying to wash my feet off with the hose, this sweet man asked if he could help. I hesitated. in my mind was this conversation: "oh that's sweet", "does he not think I can do this myself?", "he is trying to help you", "but you don't need his help"... and after realizing he was staring at me waiting for an answer, I slowly handed him the hose and blurted out, "sometimes it's hard for me to accept help." he smiled and tenderly washed my feet.

fastforward to now and that tender, servant-hearted man is my adventure partner for life. he washed my feet at our wedding because that's how he fell for me and because he wanted to begin our marriage in the servant-love shown by Jesus to His disciples. yet it didn't stop there. with each day that passes I am blown away that I get to call this man "husband." he works incredibly hard. he encourages me to love others well, lean into Jesus, and transform my mind through memorizing scripture. he washes dishes, hangs pictures, orders pizza when I don't feel like cooking, builds shelves, and extends me grace daily. what did I do to deserve this kind of love? nothing. and still...

praise the Lord for His goodness, His mercy, and His love that I get to be reminded of daily through one of His beautiful gifts to me: my Michael James.

happy {monday}

oh the monday struggle.

there are two different species of mondays for me: 1) the "I'm dreading this week" and "weekend withdrawal" monday and 2) the "uber productive", "watch out to-do list" monday. as I sit here this morning, third cup of coffee in hand, I am still waiting to find out which monday is today. there is a mountain of to-do's, reading lists that keep piling up, thank-you notes to be written, and a beach calling my name. luckily, the threat of not having any "extra" time after class begins in three-ish weeks is just the motivation I need to give me a little extra this morning. **and yet I still need three cups of coffee. yikes**

here's to slow sundays, long walks, and the to-do list hustle.

**also, for the best breakfast hash recipe EVER go here. promise you won't be disappointed**

adventures {san diego edition}

our first adventure was a honeymoon-week right after the wedding to san diego, california. not exactly the all-inclusive place most people would want to go, so here is why we chose it: 1. we both like to experience and explore new places. we knew going out of the country to a nice resort would be luxurious, but we wanted to be able to get out and explore if/when we wanted! 2. we are lovers of all things local and knew we would really want to eat where the locals eat, do what the locals do, and really know the place we were going. 3. neither of us speak a different language, so in order to experience a new place, it needed to be an english-speaking destination. 4. we wanted to go somewhere that would be nice, but not a once-in-a-lifetime place. we wanted to go somewhere that we could go back to on future anniversaries and bring family.... put all of that together **plus some exploring on pinterest** and you get san diego, california.

it was beautiful. my man and the city. san diego, your city is filled with beautiful souls that loved us well, filled our bellies, and made us crave you all the time. you gave us wonderful sunsets, beautiful cliff beaches, amazing wine in the hills, a full day exploring the best zoo, and a trolley tour with tons of personality. to say we can't wait to return is an understatement. 

things we highly recommend:

- lunch/dinner: barefoot bar & grill (get the bread pudding for dessert. just do it), taco stand, caveman pizza (we recommend getting a cheese-less/extra sauce pizza bcuz it's worth it), & tidal (where the first pic of the mr was taken)

-breakfast/BRUNCH: fig tree cafe (you can't go wrong here), the cottage, & the mission **y'all, brunch is hands-down the best meal of the day**

- places to see: San Diego Zoo, Windansea Beach, Old Towne Trolley Tour, Coronado Island,  & Orfela Vineyard

june 13, 2015

the day Michael James became my adventure partner for life was one for the books. that whole weekend, starting thursday, was nothing short of amazing. thursday lunch was the last "not married" date for Michael & I... bbq tacos, crepes, and a side of pep-talk was much needed with my man. thursday night, all of my closest girlfriends got together for dinner, dancing, and one big sleepover! it was almost overwhelming to have dear heart friends from different times of life together in one place, enjoying each other's company and sharing tons of stories.

with friday came getting nails done with these girls, writing notes, being late to the rehearsal **oops** and the best rehearsal dinner I could have ever dreamed of **ok, I may be biased** we had our rehearsal dinner at AQ Chicken House in springdale, which was extra special because that's where Michael's parents' had their rehearsal dinner. we ate amazing food, were entertained by Brandon's mr bhs dance piece **insert side-splitting laughter here**, shared more stories, and shed tons of happy-tears **its like a pre-req to being in the haefner fam**

after rehearsal dinner, I kept with tradition and had a sleepover with the OOC girls, julie and shana, aka: best matrons of honor ever. period. we drank wine **minus prego Shan**, pillow-talked, and dreamed about our future family vacations. then I woke up and it was saturday. the day was a blur between hanging with sweet girlfriends, curling hair, getting makeup done, and before I knew it, six o'clock was here. the day was what dreams are made of: from the venue, to the amazing florist, to-die for cake, and perfect photographers... with the help of these amazing people, the best families two people could ask for, and dear friendships, we were able to begin this crazy, new adventure of following the Lord together as one.

here's to family, friends, and #haefnerforever.

{gratitude} lately

comparing: to estimate, measure, or note the similarities or differences between; the act of doing which can (and will) steal your contentment

-Webster's (commentary by me)

comparison is a funny thing. sometimes it can be helpful, like in comparing the ingredients needed to make chocolate chip cookies with what you have on hand, or in comparing your packing list to what is actually in your suitcase. however, there are many times when comparison just steals contentment, like in comparing your life to someone else's, your marriage to someone else's, your dreams to someone else's, your summer to their summer, your body to theirs **see where I'm going with this?**

when I begin to compare myself to others, in any way, I am left with emptiness, guilt, jealousy, and discontentment... all of which make me forget that I am not them, and they are not me. I was created for a specific purpose (psalm 139), with a specific design. my story will not **and does not** look like the others, and that is the beauty of each and every person. so instead of comparing, today I am choosing to be thankful. and because I like **ok, love** list-making, here is what I'm thankful for {lately}

1. time for creative refueling

2. daily reminders that I am not in control

3. blank canvases & empty walls begging to be filled & designed

4. days full of card games

5. learning new things

6. an adventure partner with zero inhibitions

here's to daily reminders of truth, hawaiian shirts, and the beauty of gratitude. happy monday, loves!

struggle bus {wedding planning part 2}

alright, so I didn't post this when I said I would **oops** but getting a little space from the wedding has helped me process this second, big, wedding planning struggle. this was a massive struggle I lived with from january sixth through the wedding and for a month after! it affected the way I interacted with people, my inner thought life, and my walk with Jesus... what could this ginormous struggle have been? oh, it's just selfishness. 

yeah, yeah, you're thinking, "really, that's your big struggle?!" or "you'll struggle with that your whole life, kid." but seriously, people, this hit full force during the wedding season! people build this season up so much for girls. it's "your BIG day! you should have whatever you want! you're the PRINCESS!" it's actually quite unreal the way those thoughts played in the back of my mind; constantly trying to be happy and celebrate with others, but wondering why my "said yes to the dress" didn't get posted on the shop's page, why my engagement pictures weren't blogged about, or why there weren't as many "oohs" and "ahhs" over things I DIY'ed at the wedding? am I not cute enough? did people hate my wedding? meanwhile, I made tons of decisions that basically revolved around me: my hair, my makeup, my bridesmaids, my nails, my food, my week-of schedule, etc. ugh, it's kind of gross even admitting this was in my head, but it was. 

about two weeks prior to the wedding I had enough of me. I didn't like how distracted I was from the whole reason behind this wonderful day in the first place! praise the Lord for sweet, gentle reminders of what the wedding is all about: celebrating what God has done, is doing, and will do in & through Michael & I; celebrating His unfailing, steadfast love; and sharing His beautifully written story with people we love!

here's to less of me and more of Him!

struggle bus {wedding planning part 1}

this may be a funny post 8-days out from the wedding, but since when do I like to do be normal? don't get me wrong, I am so so SO excited to be marrying my adventure partner for life in just over a week, but there are a few other thoughts and feelings running through my mind. before we dive into those thoughts and feelings, there is something you should know about me: planning is one of my favorite things in the world. I love everything about it! dreaming, organizing, prioritizing, to-do list-ing, and executing... it just breathes life into my bones. **ok,ok, that may have been dramatic... but really** however, there have been two struggles that planning my wedding has brought out in me trying to steal that fun. today I will address the first one and tomorrow the second.

1. the pressure to lose weight. #sweatingforthewedding #honeymoonbod #bikinibod #LGN #bridalbod #fitbride ...I mean the list goes on and on with how many hashtags there are for brides losing weight. in fact, if you aren't planning on losing weight for your wedding, prepare yourself for some push-back from others. there is this huge pressure to alter yourself to be the hottest girl who ever walked down the aisle. if you consider yourself to be a healthy size, you must mentally prepare yourself to give an answer when everyone asks what diet you are on or what workout plan you have implemented. I can't even go on pinterest without seeing "7 foods you should never eat", "how to lose those last 10 pounds", "what 20 foods to avoid during wedding week"... it's maddening. 

here's my answer: I'm not on a pre-wedding diet or workout plan. with a past history of disordered eating, I don't weigh myself. ever. why? because the number freaks me out and sends me into a place I don't want to go back to. how do I live without knowing if I'm a healthy weight?! by being active most days and eating all things in moderation **yes, that includes dessert, fries, and chips & salsa** I don't have time to kill myself everyday, and I need the energy that a well-balanced diet gives me to do the things I love! sometimes being active looks like a short walk, other times I get to go for a long run, and sometimes I mix in some lunges and weights. do I find myself eating a tad "healthier" these weeks/days leading up to the wedding, sure! do I find myself making sure to do that extra set of ab workouts? absolutely! however, this is not a total re-haul of my body. it is just life and trying to be a good steward of what has been entrusted to me: mind, body, time and energy! 

here's to training for life, running tan lines, and dessert!

twenty-six {goals}

twenty-six. the age that sounds so old when you are a sophomore in college; the age by which you think you will have your stuff together; and the age that sounds so young when you get there. for those of you who haven't visited here before, welcome. this is my yearly goals post that came about on my twenty-fourth birthday. I've been doing this for two birthdays now & absolutely love it! I'll post an update about how my goals for this past year went soon, but this post is solely dedicated to goals to accomplish before twenty-seven **yikes, that sounds old** I love that these keep me focused and help me make the most of each year so that I don't just think "what did I even do this past year?!" by the time my next birthday comes around. this coming year is going to bring about so many fun changes: 3 family weddings **including MINE**, second year of law school, navigating married life, becoming an auntie twice-over when my heart friend has her second littles, and so much more! since this is going to be a crazy year, I have some fun goals that mix fun, adventure, and taking breathers in the midst of the crazy... so, what do I want to accomplish before twenty-seven?

1. run 2 half-marathons = 1 by myself and 1 with my adventure partner for life
2. take a weekend to hike/camp in the Shenandoah Valley
3. strength: do 100 push-ups consecutively & handstand
4. breather trips with Michael: DC, Virginia wineries, & Monticello 
5. mind: read 5 fun books **not school related**
6. write & send 1 handwritten letter by snail mail per week

this year will be one for the books, ladies & gents! here's to another year of lessons learned, adventures conquered, and twenty-six!!

stressed desserts

one of the girls at regent law has a little reminder on her carrel that "stressed is just desserts spelled backwards." I smile at it every time because it makes stress seem small and not too scary. however, when I look back over april, I see one word to characterize it: stressed. not the desserts stressed, but like REAL stress. just to give y'all a taste of this past month:

april 6th = appellate brief due (aka: way too many hours of work)
april 6-10 = practice rounds for moot court
april 9th = was told I have until the end of the month to move out... which is in the middle of finals
april 13-17 = mandatory rounds for moot court
april 16 = interview for trial advocacy
april 18 = elimination rounds for moot court
april 21-22 = move out
april 27 = first exam... morning of spill coffee on my computer & michael took my keys on accident, so I called friends frantically to catch a ride to the exam

and that's just dealing with school. april felt like curve ball after curve ball... once I adjusted for the first one, the next one was like, really?! it has been a month of asking the Lord why & trying to not freak out. april 27th was the day all the pressure inside just exploded. after that first exam, I cried for hours. when there is that must stress and pressure built up inside of you, it must come out at some point. and then I was reminded that the Lord really does have me here for a reason & He really is in control. I could not have made it through this past month without Him. the morning of april 28th I read Psalm 46... 

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride... Cease striving and know that I am God..."

talk about perfect timing?? the Lord is my refuge and my strength... He is a very present help in trouble **and stress**... cease striving. those two words are so freeing because the Lord is telling us to stop trying to make things happen on your own strength. stop relying on yourself to get through. stop trying to be strong. it's annoying that it took me a full month of crazy to finally realize I can't do this. I need the Lord, and it's only in Him and through Him will I make it through this semester. here's to eating dessert, taking one step at a time, and letting go. **cue frozen soundtrack here** happy may second, peoples!!

countdown to #haefnerforever

today marks 11 months since this man & I met. yes, that's right, we met less than a year ago & in 49 days we begin the rest of our lives together. forty-nine days, people. this is the first picture we took together last june, when I took a trip to Louisville to visit this guy I had just met a couple weeks before. yes, it sounds crazy, and if you told me this would be how I met & dated my future husband I would have laughed at you. why? because I love control. stated differently, I hate feeling out of control. but that's exactly how the Lord orchestrated this entire thing... out of my control.

each time I look back at our story I am reminded that I am not in control; that God is sovereign; and that I can trust Him. honestly, letting go & trusting the Lord is a struggle for me. the funny thing about that is I am totally fine with trusting myself: the short-sighted, unwise twenty-something that I am. but I think that's the reason the Lord has taken me through these crazy journeys because it teaches me that He is good, that everything He does is good, and that He can be trusted no matter what. that's not to say that everything in life will be rainbows & butterflies, but it means real peace and life to the full with the Lord rather than stressed out, anxious life trying to control everything on my own. praise the Lord for His faithfulness & writing a beautiful story.

here's to Churchill Downs, walks that last the whole day, & 49 days until #haefnerforever

lessons learned {moving}

after this week I will have moved 11 times since 2007. it's amazing what I've learned (and haven't learned) about packing & moving in all of these moves. there's a lot of stress that comes with moving, as well as excitement. the stress comes in different ways for each person. for me, it is because I'm type A & self-diagnosed slightly OCD. I have a system, and when moving with other people who think your system could be more efficient **cough, Michael, cough** it can cause issues & breakdown communication. all joking aside, it has been such a blessing for Michael to help me move. I will concede that he was right on a few things **just a few** & it is so fun moving into the place we will share once we are married! it also makes me really excited to be in the same place for more than a year. maybe that's not the place we will live in when we first get married, but I am so ready for that day to be here soon! here are my best tips for preparing to make a cross-country or cross-town move:

DO
1. pack pillows/scarves/something light on top of a layer of books, so the box doesn't become way too heavy
2. get rid of things you never use/wear/haven't seen since the last time you moved
3. use styrofoam plates between your breakable plates when packing
4. set small goals for yourself in packing different areas of your room/dorm/house/apartment
5. accept help from others & get rid of the "I can do this by myself" attitude
6. use boxes even if you are only moving across town
7. change your address with the post office
8. change your billing address with your bank & credit card company

DON'T
1. be stubborn in accepting help **yes, I have trouble with this**
2. allow yourself to be ADD when packing... focus on your goal
3. justify moving things again only to have them sit in the same box for another year
4. throw away the packing paper you just bought because you might need it again next year when you move... again **hoping I remember this one this time**

here's to selfless fiancés, new packing paper, & arm muscles! Happy Tuesday, peoples!

{the crazy} lately

dear blog,

I'm sorry I've been MIA for the past little bit, but there are good reasons. first, it was writing my appellate brief **aka hardest paper I've ever had to write... happy briefster to me** then came practice rounds for moot court, the oral arguments from the appellate brief. that same week I found out I have to move before finals. then came the real preliminary rounds of moot court competition, mixed with my trial advocacy interview. made it to the top 64 of moot court, which meant I had to compete in the weekend tournament **praise the Lord for bonus points** luckily, I didn't make it past the first round, so I was able to begin studying for finals, which are right around the corner... cherry on top: my arkansas car registration has been expired for the past few months, so I spent 6+ hours figuring all of that stuff out this week. 

but now there are two big things moved onto my DONE list: moot court & car registration. by wednesday I will have moved out, and the only thing left on my to-do list will be two weeks of finals. **insert 100000000 dancing ladies here** 

I'm sorry you were the first thing to go when life got crazy. don't be mad... it's me not you. I'm back now, so will you forgive me?? 

sincerely,
crazy haired & wide eyed

coming soon: lessons learned {moving}, stressed desserts, & countdown to #haefnerforever

law school prom

 dear law school prom,

thank you for redeeming the proms of my high school career. it was 10000000x's more fun to go to prom with my husband-to-be **82 days, people** than it ever was with a high school date. why? well, for starters, look at him. then there's the fact that he actually dances with me... not like the awkward/grinding/club dancing, but that make a fool of yourself/let loose/have a ball **pun intended** type of stuff! I don't think I've laughed on a dance floor more in my life! thank you for giving me & the law school bests an excuse to break free from the library, dress up, & enjoy life a little before the next 6 weeks-or so of crazy. thanks for providing us with stories to talk about for dayz, laughs to get us through these appellate briefs, & pictures that will stay with us for years. in short, you were the realest. see you next year.

XOXO

{gratitude} lately

things I am thankful for this week:

1. heart friends that call at all hours of the day just 'cuz

2. an adventure partner who never ceases to encourage me

3. and who isn't scared to speak truth, like when he said "you look gross" after I got my first spray tan this week **tell me how you really feel**

4. having the hottest date to barrister's ball (aka: law school prom)

5. the end of an old & beginning of a new journal

6. far away friends that pray for me & send me encouragement

7. new friends that make you belly laugh in the library

8. registering for what might be my favorite class in law school #familylaw **insert leg kicks & shimmies x's 1,000,000 here**

9. professors who invite you into their lives

10. warmer weather & longer nights **is it summer yet?!**

here's to people who remind you to calm down, breathe, & enjoy the right now!

I'm a mess

reasons I love this picture:

a) Michael's face
b) he thinks I roll my eyes at him more than he does at me, but we caught the TRUTH on camera **told ya**
c) I'm being ridiculous
d) all of the above

but really... I am so thankful for this man. yesterday I real-talked with him about how I was feeling like a failure with school & wedding & life; how I had been battling these voices in my head for a few days; and how I didn't think I was going to make it through this semester. **dramatic much? maybe** although he didn't give me this look, I am sure he wanted to, followed by a quick "really??" but he didn't. instead he encouraged me. he reminded me that my strength comes from Christ; that God is the One who brought me to law school for a specific purpose; and that His timing is perfect. and then he prayed over me... how did I get so lucky to do life with a guy who consistently reminds me of God's faithfulness & goodness towards me, even when I'm being dumb/shortsighted?! 

here's to reminders of God's faithfulness, eye-rolls, & renewed perspective. law school, I'm comin for ya.

all the {lies}

today marks the last day of spring break before classes begin again. we are diving head first into the second half of the semester. my appellate brief is due in 3 weeks; oral arguments begin immediately after; and finals are so close I can taste them. real talk: this semester of law school has been rough. I can officially look back at last semester and think, "wow, that was so much easier." **yikes** it seems like this semester the voices in my head are more frequent. they are almost ever-present; whispers mostly & sometimes screams. they tell me that I'm not cut out for this, and I should just quit while I'm behind. they laugh at me for thinking I could plan a wedding & do second semester of 1L year at the same time. they tell me there's no way I'll find a job after this 3 years of crazy. they compare me to all my hard-working classmates who are at the library constantly and involved in everything. they are very convincing, & it's so tempting to believe them.

but then I remember why I'm here. I go back & read this and this and this ... these posts and journal entries on journal entries remind me that this is exactly where I am supposed to be. the Lord brought me here for a specific purpose. do I know what that is yet? no. but it brings me peace in knowing that the voices in my head are just lies; lies that I can choose to believe OR choose to replace with truth. today I am choosing truth. today I will be faithful to what the Lord has called me to do. today I will do my absolute best with what I am given and allow Him to work out the rest.

here's to truth, time to reflect, & realizing the lies are just voices...

{truth} lately

"Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom He has redeemed from the hand of the adversary and gathered from the lands... Let them give thanks to the Lord for His lovingkindness, and for His wonders to the sons of men! For He has satisfied the thirst soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good." - Psalm 107:2-3,8-9

since Michael & I have been engaged, I have been doing a countdown through the Psalms: there are 107 days left until we get married, so I read the 107th Psalm this morning. since college I have loved the psalms for showing me that God isn't scared of our feelings; king david, whom God calls a man after His heart, tells us how he really feels. he wasn't afraid to "yell" at God, tell God he was disappointed, or ask God where He was. but he also reminded himself of God's faithfulness, love, and mercy. he constantly remembers where he was before the Lord, and where the Lord has brought him now. 

remembering God's faithfulness can be hard sometimes, especially when there are so many other distractions. this morning I am reminded of God's faithfulness in looking back to where He rescued me. my sophomore year of college... February 2009. I had placed my identity in so many different things: basketball, boys, body image, etc. the one thing they all had in common was leaving me broken and empty. I will never forget driving on the oklahoma turnpike, crying because my identity that was misplaced in a boy was just crushed, and the Lord almost whispering, "are you done?" you see, in my head I knew truth. I grew up in the church, but it just never sank in until that day, driving with a broken heart. these years and years after have not been easy, and there are plenty of times that I have failed to remember the Lord's faithfulness in rescuing me from the dark pit of lies I had fallen into. but that's why we have reminders of truth in God's Word! later in verses 19-20 it says:

"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble; He saved them out of their distresses. He sent His word and headed them, and delivered them from their destructions."

here's to: broken moments, remembering God's faithfulness, and His beautiful redemption story! 

to all the girls

I am a fan of strong women. I will forever be grateful to my 11th grade english teacher who introduced me to Elizabeth Bennett from Pride and Prejudice; to my sweet friend Katie who showed me how to be an athlete, yet still be feminine; to loads on loads of heart friends who show me what it looks like to be a strong, beautiful woman who loves the Lord and people. however, there is a difference in the women I just described and the "strong" woman many think of today. today's strong woman is still confident, wise, and fierce, but we added some harmful things and have lost something really important... **disclaimer: I realize many will not agree with me, and I'm ok with that**

who are the women we look up to in today's society? beyonce, rhianna, miley cyrus, and the list goes on and on. these are all women who have been on the covers of countless magazines, are super successful in their field, and are role models for countless young women. but let's think about the archetype of woman this is: strong, smart/business savvy, talented, rockin {unrealistic} bods, sexually liberated, and confident. don't get me wrong, I have been a fan of B for years, and I jam out to "flawless" probably more than I'd like to admit. however, over the past 6 months my eyes have slowly opened to the message these women are passing to me and countless other women: that we are valuable for our bodies and being a woman really means being confident and liberated sexually **cue miley butt-naked swinging on a wrecking ball here & let's not even mention bey's soft-porn music videos** here's the deal, this doesn't actually value women at all. it plays into this objectivity of women; it communicates to us, and the world, that women are only valuable for their bodies, what they can do with them, and how many men want to go to bed with them. yikes... strong woman? that's not how I want to be remembered... in fact, why am I even going to law school when my intelligence is not something the world considers valuable? yesterday I went to a conference called "Human Rights and the Sexualization of Culture" where Benjamin Nolot from Exodus Cry said, "if you conducted a survey of 100 girls from 11-14, most, if not all, could tell you the top 3 women pop-culture icons, but I bet you would be hard pressed to even find one who could tell you the names of the three women Supreme Court Justices." I'm ashamed to say that I didn't even know there were three women Justices, & I'm in law school... so how do we change this? what is the right view of women?

for a long time I struggled with the Proverbs 31 woman as this woman who was quiet and did what her husband told her to... but then I started to really read it. "the heart of her husband trusts her... [she] works with her hands in delight... she brings food from afar, she rises also while it is still night... she considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard... she girds herself with strength... she extends her hands to the poor, and stretches out her hands to the needy... strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future... she opens her mouth in wisdom..." to quote Elizabeth Bennett, "she would certainly be a most fearsome thing to behold." women and men, when are we going to stop valuing women for their bodies? when will be begin to value women for the content of their character?! let's quit buying this lie, and exchange it for the truth that our identity is worth far more than what the world is telling us!

{busyness} defined

I remember being in high school thinking that I was busy because my life was consumed by sports **mostly basketball** & school. however, I got a great amount of sleep every night, had plenty of time to "do nothing" & didn't even have to make to-do lists! then came freshman year of college, varsity basketball **two-a-days**, classes, and a social life to balance. then the rest of college, after I transferred to arkansas **aka the best three years ever** when I had class, building new community, and nothing but time. the long breaks, going to the park in the middle of the day just because, and "studying" in the library with the bests. those were the days. then came post-college with a strange work schedule, two weeks off a year, but still time to catch yoga classes & wine nights with good friends. those three years post college were followed by a bliss of a summer by the pool, visiting friends all over the south, and being thrown into a new, long-distance fling... it was like a movie.

then came last august, where I move to the east coast, began law school, made new friends, kept up with old ones, and began #samecitydating. august-december were some of the busiest, roughest, but oh-so-rewarding months of my life. I don't think I've ever been that disciplined to get crap done, that focused on a goal, or had that long of a to-do list. but it happened, and now I'm back for round 2. except this semester there's a catch... I'm also planning a wedding & getting used to this shiny thing on my finger. june 13, 2015. needless to say, my to-do lists just multiplied, time keeps running short, and my focus is split. how in the world am I supposed to do all of this, and do all of this WELL?!

as I sit here and think about what all needs to be done this week, I am reminded of how relative busy-ness really is. I'm sure one day I'll look back at these next few months and think, "sister, you had NO idea what being busy looked like"... but until then, I'm learning to wake up each day and focus on just that day. how? first, coffee & quiet time. always. no exceptions. then to-do lists. then sleep. wake up, repeat.

time management

well people, this weekend I realized something: being in law school is hard & planning a wedding during law school is crazy. would I rather spend my day looking at pinterest for wedding inspiration? look into vendors in NWA? plan which songs we want at the wedding? look for the billionth time at dresses to try on later this week? pick out the bridal party gifts? OF COURSE!! however, it is becoming even more important for me to stay on top of my studies this semester; outlines for classes; and the two totally optional competitions I signed up for **insert "what was I thinking" emoji here** 

also, there's this half marathon that I signed up for, and it's right around the corner in march. to say this is the busiest season of my life to date would be an understatement! it's as good of a time to learn about the blessings of delegation and time management... because without it I really could turn into a crazy person in the next 5 months! 

here's to taking things one day at a time, to-do lists as long as my arm, learning the art of delegating, and meditating on philippians 4:6-7 to keep my sanity. 

surprise {engaged edition}

phrase of the day that Michael proposed: what in the world?!?! 

january 6, 2015: Michael & I were in arkansas visiting his family. that morning I had slipped off to have breakfast with a sweet friend. she asked me if I thought we would be engaged soon. my answer, "oh no! we aren't even close... well, I mean it will probably be like at least 2-3 months before that happens!" **little did I know** Michael really wanted to get us some kayaks, so the plan was to go to beaver lake & try out his uncle's kayaks that afternoon. around 2:00, we began the drive that we had done together only one other time: our first date. **and this is where things get interesting**

on our way there, I decided to tell Michael that if I were going to guess the spot he would have proposed, it would be the little island in the middle of beaver lake that he pointed out to me on our first date **major foot in mouth... ladies, just keep those thoughts to yourself** I told him this because a while ago, while we were in Virginia, he mentioned he knew exactly where he would propose. I just assumed that meant it would happen somewhere in Virginia. again, I wasn't thinking, and I have zero filter. little did I know, that was the plan the whole time. Michael played it cool, and I never suspected a thing. when we got to the dock, the wind off the lake was soooo cold. plans changed. we decided to just sit & talk inside his uncle's cabin/lake house. I was sitting on the window seat, he was sitting on the couch. then he said, "ok, I need to talk to you about something..." and I tried to tell myself it wasn't happened & oh gosh, heart, be still! at some point he just stopped, and I finally said, "ok, what are you saying?" then... he got down on one knee and said the sweetest words followed by "will you marry me?" 

and at that moment, we were the only two on the planet who knew we were engaged, and it was the best. the proposal was very "us"... we were both in athletic clothes **Michael even wore 2-layers of cardinal gear** I had almost zero makeup on, and it was perfect. we sat and dreamed together for probably 30-45 minutes before heading back to his parent's house to tell everyone. the excitement of both of our families and so many friends has been an overwhelming blessing! thank y'all for sharing our excitement!!

Michael, thanks for putting up with my craziness & loving me for it. thanks for showing me a tangible picture of iron sharpening iron. thanks for pushing me towards higher goals. thanks for being my adventure partner for life. thanks for surprising me & allowing me to take part in surprising others with our news. thanks for loving & choosing me. you da you da. june 13, 2015, aka 5 months from TODAY, here we come!! #haefnerforever

anticipation

so, while I'm working on the post about our ENGAGEMENT... here is a post I wrote when I was thought it was going to happen, right before I convinced myself it wouldn't happen for another 2-3 months at the earliest... and like 5 days before Michael actually proposed! takeaways: I'm ridiculous, God's timing is perfect, & Michael is officially good at surprises! 

it's a funny thing, anticipation. sometimes it is like a fun thought in the back of your mind & then other times it's the only thing you can think of. it can be dangerous when you begin to place your hope in the anticipated thing... especially when that expectation goes unrealized. living in the waiting. hoping in the waiting. being content in the waiting. those are all things in which I am unskilled. it's hard telling my heart to be patient; telling my mind to stop wondering; and telling myself to stop imagining things. but what if I'm not imagining things? what if what I've anticipated for so long is actually going to happen when I think it will?! on the other hand, what if my mind is playing tricks on me? what if I am playing mind games because I just really want this? 

this is the state in which I find myself living. in between the talking myself out of things and a flicker of hope. in between the trying to live in the moment and planning out the future. I find myself doing silly things like filing & painting my nails **just in case** & taking extra care to have my hair semi-done. what is this?! I am so thankful that I have a God that is so faithful and more sure than the sunrise. in Him I can rest, even if the expectation goes unrealized; even if I am disappointed. in Him I find peace & joy & contentment for today & tomorrow & every day after. this anticipation is just a reminder of the great anticipation of His coming... how I should live every day: preparing for His coming back... living in a way that honors & glorifies Him so that I might one day hear "well done." the anticipation for that day is great; even greater than the anticipation of anything on this earth. so even in this anticipation of something so fun I can be thankful for the reminder of an even greater anticipation.

here's to the waiting, a new year, and great anticipation.