dear due date

dear due date,

well, you were monday... as in 3 days ago. since seeing those two pink lines on may 1st, we've been counting down the days until you with the hope expectation that you would be the day we met little Nugget. however, that has (obviously) not been the case. on monday, I was pissed at you, and it took me longer than I'd care to admit to process through bitterness at not having met this little life. it's now thursday, and I'm feeling all the feels: thankful we made it this far after early scares, frustrated you didn't bring what you promised, discomfort & physical pain because 40+ weeks with an 8 pounder, and excitement that any day could be the day. while I sort of prepared myself for Nugget to arrive late, my actual expectation was that you would be the last possible day I would meet him/her. with each contraction that passes **because I've had them for the past month**, I become more cynical and frustrated with myself for ever having that expectation.

if I'm honest, my bitterness towards you comes and goes. I'm semi-grateful for the way you have made me look forward to labor starting, for being able to knock out some online class assignments, and for a few good walks each day since you've passed. but let's be honest, I'd rather you have brought about Nugget than these other things.

for the past few mornings I've had to remind myself of psalm 139:16... 

"Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;

and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me,

when as yet there was not one of them."

that last phrase, "when as yet there was not one of them," gets me every time. with each day that passes I'm reminded of God's perfect plan for Nugget's life, even if that means I don't get to meet him/her quite yet. this truth is good and hard at the same time. my patience is tested each morning I wake up and labor hasn't even begun to say hi. however, God is good, even in this season of waiting for this little one to arrive; even through the discomfort; even if Nugget stays put for the long-haul until being induced on the 19th. **yes, as in one week from today. woof** 

sincerely,

over you.