gratitude {2014 edition}

I have been on a writing hiatus because I've been with these lovelies & other favorites. it has already been such a restful break, & I am so thankful for the time to unwind after a stressful few months. it's funny what inevitably happens on Facebook & instagram towards the end of a year: those little year re-caps keep popping up & people begin to get inspired for conquering the coming year. so, in the spirit of the new year, I have been reflecting on this past 2014. it was a big year... a lot more than just a Facebook recap or instagram "most like photos" thing or even a blog post could capture. I decided to make a list of things I am thankful for from 2014 instead... so here it goes.

1. my brother **finally** proposing to this little ginger
2. our blondie killin it in college & being blessed with unbelievable community
3. my bookend twin rockin out & being **by far** the coolest macquilkan kid
4. sweet friendship in my new sister who loves my brother so well
5. a brother who loves the Lord with all his heart & will change the world someday
6. moving to the east coast & starting the new adventure of law school
7. the Michael James moving cross-country to go through this adventure with me
8. God's perfect **and insane** timing
9. parents who are encouraging & remind me of truth daily 
10. new community that I am excited to return to in 2015

this list is by no means exhaustive, and it truly is amazing to look back at this past year & see the Lord's faithfulness throughout all of it! if that was just the beginning of this new chapter, I cannot even imagine what the future holds. here's to 2015, new adventures, and loads of thankfulness along the way.

date nights.best nights

in the past 2 days I have:

a) cleaned my room
b) done laundry
c) done a 45 minute yoga class
d) planned a date night
e) all of the above

praise the Lord for a little more time to study for tomorrow's exam allowing me to breathe a little. having an organized room and not having to clear an area for the yoga mat make this girl super pumped!! also, I got to plan date night & surprise Michael with our destination **insert "these are a few of my favorite things" chorus here** this was extra fun because we haven't had a date night in the past month, so this was WAY over due. quality time is one of my love languages, so I didn't want to just buy tickets to see a movie or something like that. so we pulled up to Elliot's Fair Grounds, the coolest house-turned-coffee-shop in Ghent **our favorite area** & I busted out two decks of cards. sitting across the tiny table from this guy + playing nerts for hours = my happy place. thankful for this guy who doesn't let me win, is the king of comebacks, & loves my super-sassy competitive side.

the truth: I'm a mess

in a lot of other areas in life, I would probably be considered borderline-OCD. most of the time I look like I have my act together. there are certain things I have to do everyday, in a specific order. however, in the wake of these two weeks of exams, my room has suffered big time. this picture was taken about 3 or 4 days ago, and this morning I wish my room was as clean as it was then. **yikes** there is a pile of clothes and hangers on my trunk; the pile of books on that chair keeps growing; and for some reason there is a pile of bags and headbands and hats right there in front of my printer... and let's not even begin with my desk... the truth is, I'm a mess. the first thing to go when I have a crazy busy schedule is my room. the funny/ironic thing about that is it stresses me out to have a messy room because I'm less organized when I should be more organized. I actually don't think there is a clear surface on any of my bookshelves, my desk, bed-side table, or trunk. however, there is no time to worry about it... and sometimes it's good to have a little mess in life. it reminds me that I don't have my crap together all the time. it reminds me that I'm normal. it reminds me that there are messy parts in life & sometimes it's ok to live with a little mess temporarily. it's not gonna kill me. so here's to breathing a little, two more exams, and embracing the mess. happy monday, homies.

saturday morning thoughts

dear self,

why do you hate admitting your weaknesses? why is there always this pride and inner pressure you feel to have everything together? why do you disguise this ugly pride as "being content" in the Lord?

sincerely,
your brain

this morning I had this epiphany about Paul's statements that our weakness is perfected in the Lord's strength, and because of our weakness, we can be strong. this has been an area where I struggle-bus through life. admitting I am weak? admitting I don't have it all together? admitting that I'm terrified of failure?! yeah right... that's for the birds. over this past year, I have seen many of my friends have sweet littles. these babes rely on their mommas and papas for everything. and this morning it hit me... that's how we are supposed to live life: like sweet little babes relying on the Lord for all things. however, all too often I am stuck in that "rebellious teenage" stage... you know, the one where I think I know better than The Almighty. **spoiler alert: I don't** praise the Lord for His patience and grace while I learn this crazy thing called reliance! praise the Lord that He is sovereign, and I can rest in Him! so here's to learning to admit my weaknesses and leaning on the Lord in all things. happy weekend!

new lipstick:new motivation

my second exam was yesterday. I was a total wreck leading up to that exam: couldn't sit still, couldn't sleep very well, and just jittery. good thing I had tons of time to recuperate yesterday before having to study for my next exam **sarcasm, people** ok, so I didn't. because my next exam is friday. and after that monday. and after that next friday. there is no time for breathing until after the exam next friday. however, I did need to unwind a little before diving head first into property. so I went to TARGET **michael, don't be mad** and I walked around the entire store, just for kicks. then I remembered the "kylie jenner" lip a lot of people have been posting about on insta, so I decided to look for a new shade. they had the PERFECT shade of liner & lip stick for the look, and I definitely invested. after getting home I put on the new lipstick & immediately felt like I could take on the world **or just property** it's funny the things that motivate us. sometimes all you need is a good lipstick and freshly painted nails to take on the crazy.

here's to unwinding, new lipstick, and a fresh attitude. property: anywhere we meet it's guaranteed it's goin down. **throwback song to jr high. bonus points if you know it**

and so it begins...

the first week of finals has officially begun. first finals of my first semester of my fist year of law school. in preparing for these two weeks, I came to a funny realization. 1L year is like "I"-week or rush for sororities, except it lasts a year, and no one (besides your family) is really rooting for you to make it to the finish. you don't get much sleep. you do research to understand this new language you're being presented with. you must know the history of how everything started, and how it works today. you must learn to speak vaguely, never over-commit yourself. use words such as "likely" and "probably." 

however, in "I"-week and during rush, you typically have tons of girls rooting for you & fighting for you, alongside your family & friends who are totally excited you are doing this. but in law school, as soon as you tell people you took the lsat you are bombarded with people telling you how bad of an idea it is to go to law school. they tell you it's literally like going through hell. they tell you there are many other ways you could achieve what you want to do besides that way. just don't do it. save yourself the time & gray hairs. woof. thank you, positive polly. that's exactly what I needed to hear. 

what if we decided to be excited for others? & support each other? especially those that are about to embark on a journey we have already been through. yes, law school is hard, and 1L year is rough. but it's doable. you have to work and be disciplined, but if this is where the Lord is calling you, He will provide. you won't have to walk through this crazy year(s) alone because He is always with you. this year truly has been a year of drawing me closer to the Lord because I could not do this without Him. 

one down. four to go. here's to trusting the Lord's plan, studying for dayz, and leaving it all on the court exam.